Accessories

By Scott Westerman


That’s a true story. I had a terrific director on my team who, in addition to her many leadership gifts, had a distinct fashion sense. The sheer dimensions of her wardrobe must have required a closet the size of our master bedroom. I discovered the extent of her passion one morning when I noticed that her eyes seemed particularly blue. Was it the New Mexico sun? Or was it just my numbskull male lack of attention to visual detail? The conversation in the cartoon really did take place. Trish was wearing tinted contacts that were a perfect match to the outfit she was wearing. She didn’t make the sock drawer reference, but the punch line at the end is authentic.

“A girl has to accessorize.”

This came home to me the other day.

About 99% of the time, I drive the car that Colleen has assigned to me. Its American Iron, so its a politically correct ride for the office. In the course of many thousands of New Mexico road miles the seat has perfectly contoured to my unique form. And over time, I’ve added the appropriate electronics, drilled associated holes for antennae and have everything just the way I like it.

Colleen has done the same with her Toyota Camry hybrid. A purple bow hangs from the rear view mirror. Whole Foods bags fill the trunk, bottled water (in various stages of consumption) fills every cup holder and a big jug of cashews sits behind the passenger seat.

The one thing that my vehicle doesn’t do well is receive AM radio, so when we want to listen to our local oldies station, we take her car. And so it was that I jumped in the driver’s seat (Darn, I forgot to pull it all the way back. My knees are at my chin!) and punched the start button so we could roll silently out of the garage.

We both have iPhones now and since mine happened to be in a low charge state, I reached to the glove box on the center console in search of the charger. As I opened the door a landslide of tinted plastic exploded out and onto the floorboards.

It turned out that the Queen had crammed six sets of sunglasses in there.


And that wasn’t all. In that handy little storage area behind the gear shift, I found two additional pair!

Now me, I have one set of sunglasses. To my wife’s eternal consternation, I rarely wear them (I think they are in a shoe box in my home office). I dig em out when we’re going on a long drive or will be outside for an extended period, but for me they are all about function. I think I spent a total of five minutes picking em out at Costco.

Why oh why, I asked the Queen, do you need eight pair of sunglasses in the car? She was sitting next to me with that alluring smile she wears when she’s done something naughty… and pulled one more pair out of her purse. She put them on, shook that beautiful blond hair and said…

“A girl has to accessorize.”