7 Words You Should Never Say To A Friend

By Guest Blogger David Murray.

Scott’s note: Every now and then, I find another voice who inspires me, just as I hope to sometimes inspire you. This week’s guest blogger, David Murray is one of those voices. He is a marketing and a digital communications strategist and also a wise philosopher when it comes to the culture of friendship. He graciously allowed me to share his recent essay on the topic with you. Find more of the same at The Way of theMurr. 

“When you are down, a true friend walks in even when the whole world walks out…”

What should be added to the above nugget of wisdom is that a true friend walks in without asking permission. They don’t bother to wipe their feet. They are willing to get on their knees, scrape their elbows, and roll up their sleeves.

Few do this. Few know how.

Saying, “Let me know if you need anything!” to friend who may be hurting is really putting the responsibility of “helping” back on them.

Think about it for a moment. Do you really think someone who is in a bad place, no matter the scale, is in the right frame of mind to reach out and request help from their circle of friends?
If your answer is yes, you are fooling yourself.

When it comes to true friendship, you don’t ask if someone needs something. Help without being asked. Help without expecting anything in return. Help without hesitation. I even if you don’t know how to help, letting someone know you want to help is 90% effective.

This life practice works for anyone who may be suffering from disease, to someone who may just had a bad day.

Sure, we all ask for help.

But asking for help and actually helping are two very different things.

The truth is we look out for #1. This isn’t a fault of our character. Survival mode is in our DNA, and it always will be. The challenge is to rise above conventional science, and evolve.

Evolve the true meaning of friendship.

Our over connected social networked world has de-saturated not only the value of friendships, but the whole definition of relationships. Just because you are connected to someone online, doesn’t mean you are their friend. Just because you have the immediate capability to send a message through electronic means, doesn’t mean you care.

Actions speak louder than words.

And just like our offline interactions, sending a “note” of encouragement through whatever medium is just the first step. Moving forward and acting as a friend is the true testament of value.

This was a harsh realization for this blogger. As I realized I had failed and continued to fail the people I care about on this level. Somehow I was too “busy.” Too bogged down with things. Not respecting the time of others, and having others also view my time as insignificant. To much time was spent on spinning wheels with people that brought no value to my objectives and goals, and vice versa.

I failed the ones I loved.

Lifting a finger and pointing takes no effort. Digging deep and taking responsibility that you may have failed the ones you cared about, can be trickier. This blogger will never again utter the above seven words. Instead he will strive to act, and not ask when he senses the people he cares about are hurting.

Can you and will you do the same when it comes to your circle of friends?

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Find more of Dave’s insights at his blog, The Way of theMurr.

4 thoughts on “7 Words You Should Never Say To A Friend

  1. Social media has seriously deteriorated my friendship quotient. I like to think it hasn’t …but it has. No doubt. At the very least, I should pick up the phone every now and then and “reach out and touch someone” as AT&T used to say, versus my current mode of text, text, text, or post on a wall.

    Great blog.

  2. I send people postcards, whether they’re writers that have published something inspiring, or friends who need something more memorable than a Facebook Poke. Sometimes it’s a cheesy Greetings from Michigan one from Meijers’, sometimes its an example of my artwork I had printed up a few years ago, or sometimes I use a blank card and draw something unique for ’em. The point is, it’s unexpected and not your everyday email.

  3. What I like best about you, Mike, is that your gifts are totally authentic. I love the notion of drawing your own cards and often wish I had the skill to do it. My latest faves are Postagrams and Apple Cards. Postagrams are 99 cents and you can include a picture of graphic along with your words which are rendered on a postcard and mailed to your target. Apple Cards cost more, $2.99 plus tax, but they are just as sharp as anything I’ve seen in a Hallmark isle and allow you to add your own graphics and prose. Both require an iPhone or iPad, but I’m finding that I am sending a lot more cards than ever as a result. Fun stuff!

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